You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
