69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
