So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
