Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
