I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize