I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
