what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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