he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
