It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
