When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize