I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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