Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
