I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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