no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need a burrito and a hug.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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