How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
