i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
