he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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