I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
