I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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