I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize