Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
