Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
