Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
