The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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