My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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