he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
