i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
