Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
