I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
