I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
