It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
