somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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