I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
