i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
