i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
