The maid of honor just puked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
