last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
