We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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