Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
