Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
