i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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