dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He better not be in your backpack
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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