like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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