I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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