had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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