ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
