and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
