I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
