The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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