I am in a vortex of obligation.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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