# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
