Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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