3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
