sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My bed smells like the plague
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
