I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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