is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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