dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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