I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
