i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
