walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
