morning after pill = breakfast in bed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
