Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
